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Hannah [userpic]

(no subject)

August 18th, 2010 (12:16 pm)

I had this wonderful dream last night. I was at a park for a picnic and talking to some old friends then FLASH i was reading a babysitters club book then FLASH i was walking down a street without a shirt on, but i had a weird coverup on that didn't really cover my boobs at all, but i was totally fine with it then FLASH i was boarding a flight to tokyo, and there was this sexy man on the airplane and we both had a 5-hour layover somewhere in europe (yeah, i know we wouldn't fly over europe to get to japan but whatever) and we stopped at a barbershop and they agreed that since i have short hair my haircut should go by the men's haircut price instead of the women's and the sexy man said he would pay for my haircut and i woke up when they were cutting my hair, and every time they snipped a piece off, my hair turned from black to white-blonde.

MEANINGFUL?
i don't even care, picnics+public nudity+sexy men+haircuts in europe=happiness

Hannah [userpic]

(no subject)

June 16th, 2010 (04:49 pm)
Listening to: violent femmes

I have big plans
Like:
I'm gonna actually write this book/story thing I say I'm writing
and I am going to be very thorough about backing up all my stuff to GoogleDocs & my hard drive
because a lot of writing I enjoy for my own personal library got lost last time, and I think it's good to keep all my old shipwrecked crap in storage so at some point i can pull out the worthwhile bits of wreckage.
I am going to write more postcards. which is a good plan, even though I already write more postcards than anybody I know and they don't write me back. Would you like a postcard? They are pictures of art.


My favorite mug broke and it made me sad.
I got dumped and that made me sadder. but at least it wasn't me, it was him! or so he says! so i do not have to feel bad, in fact i am not allowed to feel bad.

but ANYWAY i shall use my angst (and maybe poke around in the high school archives of this livejournal) to feed the vibe of my young adult novel, which will be funny and heartbreaking and wonderful if i ever ever stop being lazy.

p.s. if you want a good YA novel (and who doesn't?) go read either The Year of Secret Assigments or The Ghosts of Ashbury High, both by Jaclyn Moriarty. Actually read both. And work on the Australian accent I know you are all perfecting in your heads because it will enhance your reading so much.

p.p.s. I was in a scavenger hunt with 50 teams and we FUCKIN WON!!!!! FIRST PLACE BITCHES!

Hannah [userpic]

quick, somebody say something silly

May 10th, 2010 (02:42 am)
thoughtful

I feel so: thoughtful
Listening to: daria--cake

Every once in a while, I do feel compelled to dust off the old LJ and say a few words. And seeing as tonight is my last college all-nighter, it seems appropriate. Of course, it wouldn't have to be an all-nighter if I would just knock out the last two pages of this paper, but now that I'm in the zone and feeling all those delicious night-vibes, I might as well ride it out. Besides, I had a cup of coffee a couple hours ago and had a really weird caffeine nap with the lights on so I'm a little too weird boogaloo for sleep now.

My last paper of college is due in the morning. As soon as I turn it in, I am leaving for my first of two commencement ceremonies. What. One moment it seems like a serious big deal, and the next moment its kind of like just another day. But then I thought about actually having a diploma, like the physical document and I kind of got a shiver. Yeah, an academia shiver. Crazy. Everybody keeps asking what I plan to do and I am rather terrified to say I don't know. I will apply for publishing jobs but everybody has told me not to expect to get one anytime soon. Great planning on my part, I know. I'm going to keep working the restaurant job, try to pick up something else for money and work on my novel. I have a weird optimistic feeling about my novel, even though I'm only 20 pages in, and the likelihood of getting a debut YA novel published at the age of 21 is even slimmer than getting an editorial assistant job. But if it feels so right, how can it be wrong, yannow?

Oh, and this might be of interest: after all those years that everybody and their mother has listened to me complain about guys not wanting me and how I'd never have a boyfriend...yay. He's awesome. We aren't official, because that's a really scary conversation that I don't want to have to have yet, but it's so nice to know that somebody out there finds me desirable, funny, smart and beautiful and isn't shy about telling me so. Even better that I feel like I'm the lucky one. I know I shouldn't get too ahead of myself. But it's all so new and wonderful for me to feel cared for like this that I just want to ramble on and on about it forever. Hooray for happiness.

And on my last note, today I went to the Brooklyn Public Library and had a shock of excitement when I realized that after this week, the only reading I have to do is the reading I WANT to do! I am trembling with excitement about picking out a stack of pleasure reading and maybe taking a long bike ride to the beach and just melting into a book like I used to be able to do. Oh yeah, and my family also brought my bike up with them, so I feel like the city has just opened up to me again.

It's nice to come back with a "life is good" post. Well, life is stressful for the next several hours while I write this paper. But tomorrow I see friends, I graduate, I eat some delicious food...I'm going to drink beer with my parents for the first time ever, like a real adult. I'm ready for all those good things about being a grown-up, and trying my best not to be afraid about the bad things.

Hannah [userpic]

(no subject)

February 22nd, 2010 (06:25 pm)
thoughtful

I feel so: thoughtful

I took a trip back into the archives of my high school self after taking a creepy trip into the archives of my brilliant friend kyle's self to do a little comparison. besides the fact that seventeen-year-old kyle was a billion times smarter than i can ever hope to be, this lesson has helped me conclude that high-school-hannah was WAY too hard on herself. i mean, damn. i still sort of am. but every single entry just exudes self-loathing and pleas for approval. the responsibilities of growing up still suck, but the knowledge that i'm not the worst person to ever set foot on planet earth is a pretty comforting thing.

Hannah [userpic]

(no subject)

August 8th, 2009 (03:07 pm)

well, the summer of mcdonalds has ended, thankfully. but it surprisingly got better as the summer went on, especially when they put me in the drive-thru where i can entertain myself and not have to actually make food ever, just deal with the customers. and after reading tons of customers_suck posts, i realize that i didn't really have too many shitty customers, except the lady that yelled at me about her dumb grilled chicken patties and the kid who said "fuck you" to me over the intercom because i couldn't hear her order. most of my customers were actually really nice and good at flattering me in a non-creepy way (i learned to ignore the creepy ones). people like to tell me that i have gorgeous eyes, so now i'm really cocky about them, haha. also, several of them told me they were going to miss me. at any rate, i'm pretty glad its over.

Hannah [userpic]

not lovin' it.

June 19th, 2009 (01:56 am)
pessimistic

I feel so: pessimistic

i just want summer to end already. or speed up and get to the good parts. i know i'm supposed to be really grateful to have a job at all, and i swear i am, but spending 6 out of every 7 days working at mcdonald's is really killing me. i feel like i have no time to relax and enjoy my summer, never mind getting done the things i need to. i hate that last summer, i was running practically every day, and reading tons of books, AND working. granted, i was working less and making less money, but i still saved a decent amount of money and felt healthy and happier. i'll probably be heading back to school a lot earlier than i originally planned, maybe as early as the end of july. at the very least, i think i might alter my availability schedule so that i'm not available to work every day--maybe limit myself to 5 days a week, like a normal person.
anyway, i'm done bitching for now, and i'm really relieved to be taking a vacation next week, even though i am not at all in shape to bike across the state.

Hannah [userpic]

(no subject)

May 12th, 2009 (03:22 am)

I was just re-reading some of this from the last few years and remembered how the fact of staying up late somehow always made my thoughts come so much nicer than in the day. I missed the feeling of absolute silence at school and didn't realize i missed it til i was home. at school its like i can't wait to get to bed and every little noise drives me up the wall until i finally make it to sleep. and listening to jasmine snacking or slamming the bathroom door or talking to her friends on speakerphone was just getting to be too much, not to mention the trash and seafoam-green plastic bags and little glossy maroon threads that were like a second layer of carpeting. i've gotten quite good at cleaning up after myself.

i miss my internship some. i got to read tons of manuscripts and proposals of manuscripts, most of whom i'm sure won't make it out there, even the ones i accepted. the worst was when they gave me the REAL slush pile, the people who don't have agents and just sent us their stuff in the vain hope that somebody will actually look at it. they basically gave me a stack of rejection letters and directed me to give each submission a cursory glance (just to confirm that it sucks) and send off a rejection. they were pretty awful, most of them, but one lady wrapped hers up with a satiny brown ribbon and attached her cover letter with a paper clip that was shaped like an airplane. i kept the ribbon and the clip but they just tossed her manuscript away. oh, writing.
i also read a book about clouds from the cloud appreciation society and learned why a nacreous cloud is beautiful and why kelvin-helmholtz clouds are the rarest types and make the sky look like the sea even more than it already does.

i don't know what to do about the sea. i may never have a chance to go out to sea, or rather, i may never give myself the chance to go out to sea. i wrote my moby-dick paper about the ocean and it didn't help anything about this. it just confirmed to me that everything about the ocean is right, that it is a fairy tale and a void and a glassy mirror and a universe preserved in wax....teeth, salt, fast-fish and loose-fish......

i need a job, again. i wanted to work in the parks, but they don't want me. so now i want to work in the zoo. but really i don't want to work at all, nope. i just want to read, cook and bike.

how do we feel about the oxford comma anyway?

most of my friends stayed in new york for the summer. if i'd stayed too, i could probably find a job easier than i can here, and i could essentially keep living like i have been all year, minus the dreadful rooming situation. i love the city, and i love being outside in it and being able to find sandwiches anywhere and anytime and having a remarkably easy time buying drinks underage. i like doing all the things i'm not supposed to do there, like riding my bike late at night...but i like it best when it's quiet and it usually isn't. i'm glad susie will be around. she has a new car, so we were joking it was going to be like the reverse of the summer of 2005, when we wasted time driving around in my car and i looked for a million jobs and never found one.

Hannah [userpic]

for the curious

April 19th, 2008 (09:36 am)
bored

current location: bobst
I feel so: bored

my computer died. quite a long time ago. hence lack of lj.

Hannah [userpic]

happy

February 15th, 2008 (07:27 pm)

This morning I was in one of those moods where I feel as though the world were conspiring to make me feel as amazing as possible. I get overtaken by these awesome moods from time to time and I seriously can't walk down the street without smiling at everything. I fall in love with everybody, a million times a day.

Hannah [userpic]

(no subject)

February 7th, 2008 (09:55 pm)

seriously, i'm such a dopey girl. sometimes i feel like this:


i wish i were a better writer. i should really really practice that. the boys in my creative writing class write things so funny they make me cry laughing. seriously. if i had to pick between boys who are hot, boys who can sing, and boys who can write....write. these guys that are in my class are all kind of average looking, but then we workshop their stuff and i just get these mad dumb crushes. they make me wanna staple their stories together and shelve it next to the lit mags i keep saving. we read my story today in class and i felt so stupid. there was no point to it. somebody said it sounded like "nancy drew on acid." ouch. i guess that could sound like a compliment, but it wasn't. i think i just need to drop my head somewhere else and write some whatever. maybe i'll do that right now. or maybe i'll keep eating pita and hummus and moping around the internet. why did i say moping? i'm not moping at all. the worst is when i feel like i have to feel guilty for not feeling worried. i don't make sense.

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