May 10th, 2010 (02:42 am)
I feel so: thoughtful
Listening to: daria--cake
Every once in a while, I do feel compelled to dust off the old LJ and say a few words. And seeing as tonight is my last college all-nighter, it seems appropriate. Of course, it wouldn't have to be an all-nighter if I would just knock out the last two pages of this paper, but now that I'm in the zone and feeling all those delicious night-vibes, I might as well ride it out. Besides, I had a cup of coffee a couple hours ago and had a really weird caffeine nap with the lights on so I'm a little too weird boogaloo for sleep now.
My last paper of college is due in the morning. As soon as I turn it in, I am leaving for my first of two commencement ceremonies. What. One moment it seems like a serious big deal, and the next moment its kind of like just another day. But then I thought about actually having a diploma, like the physical document and I kind of got a shiver. Yeah, an academia shiver. Crazy. Everybody keeps asking what I plan to do and I am rather terrified to say I don't know. I will apply for publishing jobs but everybody has told me not to expect to get one anytime soon. Great planning on my part, I know. I'm going to keep working the restaurant job, try to pick up something else for money and work on my novel. I have a weird optimistic feeling about my novel, even though I'm only 20 pages in, and the likelihood of getting a debut YA novel published at the age of 21 is even slimmer than getting an editorial assistant job. But if it feels so right, how can it be wrong, yannow?
Oh, and this might be of interest: after all those years that everybody and their mother has listened to me complain about guys not wanting me and how I'd never have a boyfriend...yay. He's awesome. We aren't official, because that's a really scary conversation that I don't want to have to have yet, but it's so nice to know that somebody out there finds me desirable, funny, smart and beautiful and isn't shy about telling me so. Even better that I feel like I'm the lucky one. I know I shouldn't get too ahead of myself. But it's all so new and wonderful for me to feel cared for like this that I just want to ramble on and on about it forever. Hooray for happiness.
And on my last note, today I went to the Brooklyn Public Library and had a shock of excitement when I realized that after this week, the only reading I have to do is the reading I WANT to do! I am trembling with excitement about picking out a stack of pleasure reading and maybe taking a long bike ride to the beach and just melting into a book like I used to be able to do. Oh yeah, and my family also brought my bike up with them, so I feel like the city has just opened up to me again.
It's nice to come back with a "life is good" post. Well, life is stressful for the next several hours while I write this paper. But tomorrow I see friends, I graduate, I eat some delicious food...I'm going to drink beer with my parents for the first time ever, like a real adult. I'm ready for all those good things about being a grown-up, and trying my best not to be afraid about the bad things.